I don’t know how to really start this post, but I really need J here more than ever. Last night my cousin died. I’m feeling alot of things & I just wish he was here to console me. Here to just hug me. It’s hard grieving when you are alone. I don’t how to cope. The weather outside is dark and gloomy. What do you do when you physically need them here? Not just because you want them here, but to help you get through it. Get through the process of losing someone. I have to prepare myself for a funeral & i’m not sure how to process that let a long go through all of this away from my SO. I pray we are reunited in April cause I don’t know how much more emotional stuff I can take from this month alone…much longer.